TT #13: How to say no

Taking care of ourselves means not taking care of everybody else*. One tiny way to do this is to simply not justify yourself. You don't need anybody's permission and they don't need your reassurance/excuse.
 

*A cool side effect of this is that if you take care of yourself, you start expecting that everyone else is taking care of themselves, so the urge to take care of other people lessens naturally.

Here's how it works:

Hey Johannah, are you coming to yoga tonight?

No, I can't. Have fun though, tell everyone I say hi.

 

OR

 

No, I'm not, have a great time!

 

OR

 

I don't think so – I hope it’s good!

 

OR

 

No, are you?

 

OR

 

I am not.

 

BUT NEVER NOT ONCE

 

No, I have so much to do, I am just swamped. I really wish I could. What are you guys doing after? Let me know, maybe I can meet up if I finish my work by then. Hopefully I can come next week!

 

Note: there are many situations in which it is important to give somebody extra information. But this isn't justification. When a wife says to her husband, "I won't be able to stop at the pharmacy on the way home; I have to work late." It's an explanation that supports the partnership. 

 

Today, practice declining without justifying.

 

You are awesome,

Johannah

TT #11: Public bathrooms are the best place to…

It is time for one of my favorite and most used tiny tools.

The public bathroom dance.

Yes, the bathroom is one of the best places to cry in public. But it is also one of the best places to dance. At some point today, whether you are in your apartment or at a friend's place or at work or on a dinner date… Take a dance break in the bathroom. Watch yourself in the mirror – give yourself encouraging looks. 

Choose the song you will dance to right now so you don't have a perfectionist moment in the bathroom and miss your opportunity. Here are my go-to songs:

1

2

3

I'm talking about bathrooms without stalls, in case that isn't clear. Starbucks bathrooms are always good, unless you live in New York City in which case you will be holding up the line. Also, if somebody knocks, you can stop your dancing short. It's not really fun to dance under pressure. But try again later! And notice how good even 20 seconds felt!

 I'll post my bathroom dance on my Instagram story to normalize the experience for you. You are welcome to post yours.

okay, I'm going to go dance now,

 Johannah

TT #9: Self forgiveness practice

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. There is one specific forgiveness tool I love. It is a traditional Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono. In Hawaiian, this word means "correction." (although I bet it means many things that the Internet didn't tell me.)

We aren't doing the long, sacred traditional forgiveness practice here. We are doing the modified practice that a Hawaiian woman brought to the United Kingdom.

Here is the format:

I'm sorry

I forgive you

Thank you

I love you

Sooooo put something you want to forgive yourself for into the format. I'll do it as an example:

I want to forgive myself for using my hands too much and making them inflamed.

 

Johannah,

I'm sorry I get mad at you for using your hands.

I forgive you for forgetting that they need extra care.

Thank you for noticing when they hurt and changing your behavior.

I love you

——

 

Play around with it. If somebody else was involved in what happened, plug yourself into this little template and then plug them into the template.

And an extra note: forgiveness is really freaking hard. If you find it hard to forgive yourself for something, try using this format to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive. That's a thing!

You are awesome,
 Johannah